Fat man mountain biking

2014 Ride 1 – Hamsterley May 11th

Posted on May 13, 2014 by ianmaychell

So here we are in May and we have finally managed to get out on the first ride of the year. After much talking about it and lots of cajoling from Mike, we all agreed that this Sunday would be the day. All that is except Mike who was washing his hair that day.

Anyway that left four of us which is handy for the transport – too many for my car but no problem for Paul M’s (saves on my petrol).

In anticipation of the ride the next day, I cut my alcohol consumption on Saturday night to just legless and went to bed early. Next morning I woke up nice and early and was ready for Paul picking me up first at 8:30.

Next on the pick up schedule was Paul T but hey! we seemed to be heading in the wrong direction for Paul’s house! “Don’t forget Paul” I said. “I’m not” said Paul M “he’s not going to make it today.” “Oh” said I, “tell me more.” Now, everyone knows that Paul T’s bike has been knackered since last October and, despite him having yet another month’s gardening leave (he must have the best marrows in town the amount of gardening leave he’s had) he’s yet to raise a spanner at it in anger. So, I was expecting Paul to tell me that Mr T just hadn’t bothered his arse to get his bike fixed; he hadn’t, but the excuse he gave was much better! He’d been to see the dentist on Saturday with a loose crown and the dentist had told him very specifically no mountain biking allowed. Everything else was ok, just no mountain biking! These excuses are getting better, that one was almost Andrewesque.

“So” said I “Just the three of us then.” “frayed knot” replied Paul “Andrew called about an hour ago to say he won’t be joining us.” Oh well, might as well start off this year same as last. So what was the king of the last minute bail out going to come up with this time? Velcro pyjamas? Broken lunch box? No! Wait for it…………………………………. His dog had been sick! FFS

So from five to two. Paul and I arrived at Hamsterley got the bikes off the car, tried to remember how everything worked on them and headed off at breakneck speed (well faster than walking) into the hills.

I was very disappointed to note as we set off that Paul had a dropper seat post fitted to his bike. Not that I’m against dropper seat posts, being an early adopter of the technology myself, but because this meant his torment at the hands of Planet X was finally over.

The tale of Paul and his seat post is worth telling and all the funnier for the fact that it was me who recommended that he buy one from them! I’ve bought lots of stuff from Planet X and never had the slightest problem, Paul on the other hand must be wishing down a plague of locust upon them.

It all started just before Christmas when I spotted that Planet X were selling Rockshox dropper seat posts at a knock down price. I told all the guys and Paul, being the only other person apparently who uses his bike and therefore needs one, placed an order.

Well, not too long after, the seat post arrived and Paul opened it expectantly and rushed to fit it to his bike only to find that it was the wrong diameter. He called Planet X and told them of the problem and they explained that they didn’t have any of the size he’d ordered so they sent him that one; if that was no good, would he like his money back? “No” said Paul (bet he wishes he’d said yes) “I’ll wait till you get some more of the correct size in, send me one then”.

So, time passed, we all grew a little older and wiser (except apparently the people at Planet X) and eventually the replacement seat post arrived. “Oh super” thought Paul, imagining himself adjusting his ride height at will on the move “lets get this baby fitted”. Imagine the look on his face as he opened the package to find that they’d sent him the same one as last time! After a somewhat tense discussion with the good people at Planet X, it was agreed that a new post would be sent out post haste.

Some more time passed and we all grew yet older and wiser and Planet X? Well it seems experiences for them are not learning opportunities. The new seat post arrived and, to Paul’s delight, it was the right size. “Spiffing” thought Paul “Let’s get this show on the road” as he dashed to the garage spanner in hand. Imagine the look on his face and the howl of anguish as he went to fit his shiney new seat post only to find that it was the stealth type and not compatible with his frame. So, back on the phone to Planet X and after determining that they could in fact differentiate between their gluteus maximus and their synovial hinge joint it was agreed that “we’ll give it another shot”.

Yet more time passed and, as we became wizened old sages, Planet X continued to sail through life’s green pastures unaffected by the irate Mr Maynard berating them, their colleagues, their families, their colleague’s families, their colleague’s families dog, etc. Eventually package number four arrived while Paul was at work and Nic, being well aware of the ongoing saga realized that something was not quite right with the package that had just been delivered, it being four times the size of any of the previous packages. Nic attempted to calm Paul with whiskey before showing him the package and told him to take a deep breath. What could be in the package? Had they sent a boquet of flowers to apologise for all of the previous cock ups? Oh well, only one way to find out.

Paul opened the package to find, not a shiney new seat post, but (I feel at this point a drum roll would be appropriate) a shiney new set of full length mudguards! Genius!

Now Paul will tell you that these guys are a bunch of amateurs, don’t know what they are doing, etc. But I think they are just the opposite. My hypothesis is that these guys get paid bonus based on number of problem free deliveries they make in a year, say 99.5% target. Now, because they are so good, they could make 100% right first time deliveries but if they did this then that would become the expected target every year so what they do is sandbag it. They deliver everything perfectly to all of their customers except one or two (don’t want to make it too many or they’d start to lose business) and get all of their non-conformances in on them. I think Paul was one of the chosen ones.

Anyway, long story short, the last one they delivered was OK. Lot of fuss about nothing I say.

The bike ride was OK. We were both knackered but looking forward to the next one.

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Ride report – Chopwell Woods

Posted on April 28, 2013 by ianmaychell

Well, I feel like my powder has been dampened somewhat this week, the turnout was almost 100% with only Tiger Lilly the Singapore slinger not making it out on the ride. Anyway, I won’t get started on that again although I did hear that this week he wasn’t actually buggering off to Laos, Malaysia, Cambodia or some other exotic destination; probably having the weekend in beating his houseboy (that’s got to be a colonial euphamism hasn’t it?).

Almost a full house at Chopwell

OK, back to business. Andrew picked me up at 8:30, we loaded up the bikes and headed off. Mike was picking up Paul T and we were to meet at the car park in Chopwell Woods. We headed up the A1 and cut across country at Chester Le Street, passed Beamish, Stanley and on to Chopwell. We only got lost a couple of times and this was down to Andrew’s inability to follow straightforward instructions rather than my prowess as a map reader. When we arrived at the car park, we were surprised that Mike and Paul were not there. Eventually, after another ten minutes or so, they turned up having been unable to locate the place, turns out Mike is worse than Andrew at following straightforward instructions.

When they arrived, Paul got out of the car looking like Steptoe (the comic character played by Wilfred Bramble in the sixties and seventies, not the heart surgeon famous for his work on the relationship between stress at work and heart disease) on a bad day. “Oh my back” he moaned as he minced out of the car. He went on to explain that he’d injured his back wrestling a tiger that had escaped from the local zoo and was about to eat a baby (the tiger, not Paul). Further interrogation got it out of him that he’d done it pulling a huge tree stump out of the garden. Hmm still not convinced.

For today’s ride I was going to be testing out my new smartphone bike GPS software so there was no chance that we’d get lost on this one! We set off heading north from the car park, or was that south? damn this GPS software, lost in the bloody car park! After reverting to traditional navigation methods – follow someone who looks like they know where they are going – we headed to the top end of Chopwell woods where it borders the golf course. The climbs here are much easier than those at Hamsterley and we quickly reached the start of the first run; this was a fairly easy run through the trees with lots of roots and overhanging branches to contend with and we all made it through OK.

Mike on the first downhill section

The first run rejoined the main pathway and the others were about to give up and follow the path down to the next run, but no, we weren’t going to do that. I’d spotted another run through the trees running parallel to the main path that looked much more interesting. “Follow me men!” I cried crashing through the undergrowth and onto this little used path. After a short while it became apparent why this path was little used, it was almost impassable; there were several streams crossing it with steep banks that couldn’t be crossed by bike. Still, plenty of opportunities for some comedy falls. Unfortunately nobody would play ball and fall into the water for the camera.

Paul T selfishly refusing to fall into the water for the camera.

We struggled through the undergrowth before evetually emerging in Newcastle city centre according to my GPS. I knew it was cheap, but they didn’t tell me it was cheap crap! Anyway, turns out we’d overshot the planned route and had to to find our way back onto the main bridleway and then on to downhill run two, which we did without further incident, though not without further whinging from the ranks of being led up a blind alley by some incompetent ass.

Downhill route two was pretty good, there were lots of roots and lots of options for which direction to take and it was pretty quick. Because there’d been a lot of rain lately there were lots of boggy bits and plenty of opportunities for people to go over the handlebars for the camera, but no, nobody was playing ball.

At the end of route two we had to make a right turn then rejoin the track further on. We reached a junction and I suggested we consult the GPS to find out where to head next but Mike and Andrew wouldn’t have it. “No” they insisted “follow us we know where we are going”. Paul and I reluctantly followed.

As we raced down the hill and into a field full of horses bordered by a housing estate that looked like the set for the channel 4 soap Shameless, it dawned on us that we’d made a mistake placing our faith in Mike and Andrew’s navigation skills (we should have learned from the drive up here). So there was only one thing for it, turn round and head out of there before one of the Gallaghers came out and tried to nick the bikes.

Once we got back onto the track it was a fairly uneventful trip back to the start of the red run which we only did the first part of as we were running short of time. The red run was OK but once again, frustratingly, nobody would fall off for the camera.

Mike selfishly refusing to fall off for the camera.

After the red run, we climbed back up a level and at this point Paul and Mike wimped out. Andrew and I, being made of sterner stuff, refused to quit and carried on around the rest of the course. We made it back to the car just as the rain started.

On the drive home we called Ange to find out the true story about Paul’s bad back – we were betting he’d been jumping off the wardrobe again in his batman outfit – but no, truth is stranger than fiction! turns out he has a long held ambition to win the Great British bake off and he’d done his back in lifting a particularly dense Genoise sponge out of the oven.

See you next week. – Ian

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Ride 5 – Chopwell Woods

Posted on April 17, 2013 by ianmaychell

This week’s ride is planned for Saturday. I figured as we are all at our house Saturday night for dinner, we could go out biking and the girls could do the cooking. A win / win situation if ever there was one; the ladies get to show off their culinary skills and also get their husbands returned from the trip toned like Adonis.

The ride is at Chopwell woods near Gateshead, which is a small wood owned by the forestry commission. There is one official track but a lot of other tracks that have been created by bikers. I’ve dowloaded a route off t’internet that is 8.4 miles long, same as the route we normally do at hamsterly. I think the climbing is a little less severe though.

The route map and profile are shown below.

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Ride report – Hamsterley 7th April

Posted on April 7, 2013 by ianmaychell

Well, well, well, who’d have thunk it? The only one to make today’s ride was the master of the late cop out – Andrew. When Andrew posted on 1st April that he was going to be coming today I did think it was an April fool joke and expected to get the cancellation call sometime through the week. But no, the bail out did not come and with just one appearance on the rides, Andrew has managed to work his way down the Great Big Soft Jessie of the Year league table, leapfrogging both Mike and Paul M in the process. I’ll publish the first issue of the Great Big Soft Jessie of the Year league table next week.

Anyway, what of this week’s absentees? Paul T has gone down to Sheffield University for rag week; he’s going to be pushing a bed round dressed as a sexy nurse (Paul, not the bed). Mike has just had a new water feature installed in his garden and is practicing water jumps on his new bike over this. Come on Mike you’re going to have to bring it out sooner or later. Paul M – well I said I wasn’t going to mention it any more, we knew he was in Singapore working and that he couldn’t get home every weekend. So, is he working hard this weekend? Is he bollocks! He’s in bloody Bali! No wonder that project is taking so long to complete, he’s never at bloody work.

Anyway, the riteous ones arrived at Hamsterley just before 9.00 under clear blue skies and a hint of snow on the mountain tops. We were quickly kitted up and ready to hit the trails, Andrew took a little longer than me to get ready as he had to remove a nest from his bike that had been built and used to bring up a family of mice since Andrew last used his bike.

We did the blue run through the forest to get to the bridge and then headed uphill to Transmission. As we got higher, we started to see more snow and eventually the whole trail was under snow.

The climb up to transmission

As we were climbing, I was beginning to have flashbacks to the ride over Grinton moor when Paul T and I wondered if we were going to make it back alive. I was less concerned this time as we were not so far from civilization – and I reckon I could survive till summer if I bumped Andrew off and ate him.

Anyway, we made it to the top OK and blasted down transmission, accelerator and nitrous. At the bottom we decided to give section 13 a miss and just do the loop this side again. Second time down was faster and we took some action shots, see below.

Andrew giving it big licks on transmission

Ian doing accelerator – or is it Ian?

I can only apologise for Andrew’s shoddy camera work but can say in his defence that I was going down that track faster than a fat kid chasing the ice cream van.

So, we had a good workout today, Andrew’s bike didn’t reject him for not using it for so long and there were no comedy falls to write about. Next ride will be a warm up for Nic’s birthday trip so will be a longer distance one over rugged terrain.

Cheers – Ian

Posted in Reports | Tagged hamsterley, ride | 1 Comment

Because this week is Easter and we’ll all be at church on Sunday, the next chance to get out will be Sunday 7th April. As we did a cross country route last time out – well, Paul T and I did – (least said about the other lazy sods the better) this time the plan is to go to Hamsterly for our usual route of the two loops either side of the river. The route map and profile are below. Hope everyone can make it this time.

1. The ride starts from the car park near the visitor centre. We come out of the car park, turn left and ride along forest drive for a couple of hundred metres before arriving at a firetrack on the left.

2. We take the firetrack across the river then turn right off the track into the woods. We follow the road through the woods, alongside the river then alongside forest drive before coming back out onto the road. We ride along forest drive for maybe fifty yards before turning right when we see the house there. We follow the road around the back of the house then take the hairpin left up the hill.

3. We climb up the hill, go across the crossroads then take the first right into the forest. The road goes down and around to the left before climbing up to a telephone mast which marks the start of the first downhill.

4. Run down the first downhill then through the woods and back out onto the firetrack before shortly taking the second run.

5. The second run is my favorite, it is a mad dash through the trees, it doesn’t have any jumps or drop offs, its just really fast and twisty turny.

6. The third run is the newest at Hamsterley and is pretty interesting with more rocks than any of the other runs. After completing the last run on this side of the river, we ride back down and past the house we rode around earlier. Upon reaching forest drive we turn right then left over the bridge and up the hill. After maybe fifty metres we reach a track on the right which climbs steeply uphill.

7. We climb the steep road past the hut and up to the car park on the left. We ride through the car park and onto the first run on this side of the river.

8. This first run is a long twisting route with plenty of jumps and a big bomb hole which comes out on a fire track at the bottom. At the fire track we turn right and look out for the next black run on the left hand side. I haven’t shown this one on the route but we would normally do it and come out onto the fireroad before climbing up to the next route on the left.

9. The next run on the left is a good fast run with a big bomb hole and a steep drop which is easy to miss. This run comes back ut on the fire road which we take up to the next run on the left.

10. This is the last run of the day and leads back to the blue run through the forest that we first started on. We turn right at the bottom and follow the blue run back to the fire road where we turn left to Forest Drive then right and back to the car park.

Posted on March 29, 2013 by ianmaychell | 2 Comments

Sunday 17th March

Let’s start with the roll call shall we?

Keeping the faith this week :- Paul T and Ian
Keeping their lazy arses warm in bed again :- Paul M, Mike, Andrew.

Paul M, I’m not going to bring it up any more (much) but we are seriously beginning to doubt your commitment to the team. Where would we be if we all said “its too far, it’ll take too long” (in a whiny voice) eh? It’s only 7,000 miles! Where’s the spirit of Shackleton, Livingstone, Mallory, Stanley et al. If we all had your attitude, we’d never have discovered tobacco! Mike, we know you’ve got your new bike and don’t want to get it dirty, but seriously, you can’t keep riding it round the lounge, you’ve got to take it out sometime. Andrew didn’t put a sick note in this week but I heard he was jet lagged after travelling back from London!

Anyway back to the people who bothered their arses to get out of bed and do the ride, me and Paul T. I picked Paul up at 8:30 under clear blue skys with not a breath of wind on the air, perfect biking weather. “Those losers will be sorry” we agreed as we drove along the A1 to Scotch Corner and then into Richmond. As we drove through Richmond, the petrol light came on so I had to find a petrol station. No problem you might think, but not so easy on a Sunday morning in Richmond when all you have with you is an Amex card. Anyway, I digress, but Caz, if you read this, the filler cap is on the right hand side, its dead easy.

As we drove out of Richmond and on towards Grinton, Paul said “looks like there’s still some snow on the hills over there, hope we’re not going there”. “Shouldn’t be a problem, its only a dusting” said I as we pulled into the car park just outside Grinton.

Looking up to Harker Top

We left the car park and climbed steeply on the road up towards the first bridleway. Once onto the bridleway, we could see the first of the hills we would be climbing, Harker Top, and there was indeed a little snow on the top of it. Oh well, we’ll be up and over that in no time. The ride up to Harker top was a bit of a grind, even for two impressive physical specimens such as ourselves. But we soldiered on and made it to the lower slopes without too much of a fuss. As we stopped for our fifth or sixth rest we noticed a couple of other bikers coming up behind us, we agreed to wait and let them go past as they were going much faster than

The beast of Grinton Moor?

we were. As they approached, it became apparent that these two atheletes about to cruise past us were actually the wrong side of 70. We need to work on our fitness!

It was as we were hanging our heads in shame that we saw this. I think we’ve found evidence of a bigfoot in the Yorkshire Dales! Really, this was in the middle of nowhere, whoever (or whatever?) has been walking around barefoot halfway up a mountain must be bloody nithered. We soldiered on and eventually reached the top of the hill, that snow was a bit thicker than it looked from a mile away.

On Harker’s Top

On Harker’s Top

We reached the top of the hill and started down the other side, only the snow didn’t seem to be thinning out any, if anything it seemed to be getting deeper. There were some little bits of downhill but the snow was so deep you couldn’t really get any speed up.

My bike on a hill

We rode on for what seemed like miles, but was probably nothing like that, just the snow made it feel further. We were starting to question the map as it felt like we had rode much too far and we thought we should have been turning up over the hills by now. We had a good look at the map and decided we were on the right road and we should carry on into what looked like oblivion. We eventually found the corner we needed to be turning to climb up to Apedale head. The snow here was a foot deep and we could not ride the bikes, it was difficult even to make forward progress pushing them. When we reached the top of the hill, the landscape in front of us was less than encouraging. All

That black speck in the distance is Paul!

we could see in front of us was more snow, it was difficult even to make out which direction the bridleway took. Although neither of us had mentioned the possibility of dying out here, I couldn’t help ruing the fact that I hadn’t come with a fatter biking companion; I don’t reckon you’d last for more than a couple of days on what you could pick off Paul’s cold dead corpse. Paul would have been alright if he’d managed to kill me first, he’d have enough to keep him going till August.

It was as hope was about to leave us (I might be overdramatising this) that we spotted a gate in a fence which we recognized, Oh sweet salvation, we were saved! (probably laying it on a bit thick now).

We’re doomed, doomed I tell ye.

After this point it was downhill to Dent’s houses. The first half mile or so was still a struggle as the path was covered in thick snow and you had to pedal hard to make any headway. After a while the snow thinned and we started to get up some proper speed; this would be a great run in the summer. It was going down this part that I made an unplanned diversion to create a one winged snow angel. I was getting up some good speed when I realised my suspension was still locked out and started looking down to locate the release. As I looked down, the front wheel hit the snow in the middle of the track and I went arse over tip onto the side of the road. Fortunately there was a nice snow drift to land in so no damage done. Paul gave the resulting snow angel 5 out of 10 as it only had one wing, I argued that, seeing as I had created most of it with my face, it was worth at least an 8.

When we reached Dent’s houses we decided we didn’t want to go down to Castle Bolton only to climb up again or climb to Greets height as this would be covered with snow so we just carried on to the road. When we reached the road there was a little bit of a climb to the top then it was downhill all the way to Grinton. The ride down on the road was probably the only time all day we didn’t have to pedal to make progress. Its a great run down the hill, the road is really twisty and really fast, we managed to get over forty mph.

Back at the car we both agreed it had been good fun, even if we did wonder if we were going to get back at times, but this ride needs to be done in the middle of summer when there is no snow around.

Cheers – Ian

Posted on March 17, 2013 by ianmaychell | 4 Comments

This is a 24km ride over Grinton moor to Bolton Castle and back to Grinton. Most of the riding is on bridleways with some fast downhill across fields and some steep uphill on roads.

1. The route starts at a car park just outside Grinton on the road to Grinton Lodge youth hostel (height 250m). From the car park we take the road uphill for around 400m then carry straight on to the bridleway as the road turns off to the left. We climb steadily on the bridleway for 3km to Harker Top (466m).

2. From Harker top the bridleway levels out for a while and we ride around the hill for around 3km before finaly climbing up to the junction with another bridleway near Morley’s Folly.

3. We climb past Morley’s Folly to the top of Apedale Head (550m) at which point the path takes a downward turn and drops 165m in 3.5km to a crossroads at Dent’s House.

4. At Dent’s House we turn right and climb for 1km to the top of Black Hill (420m) then race 1.5km across fields down to Bolton Castle. At Bolton Castle we turn left and head out of the village and over the river to Hargill Lane.

5. At Hargill Lane we turn left and climb on the road for 2km until we reach the bridleway on the left. We take the bridleway for around 1km to Dent’s House (390m).

6. At Dent’s House we turn right and climb on the bridleway for 1km up to Height of Greets (500m). From Height of Greets, the path drops down to rejoin the road after another kilometer and drop in height of 90m.

7. We follow the road for about 200m and then decide whether we want to take the single track route across the fields or just follow the road back down to the car park.

The route map and profile are below.

Posted on March 10, 2013 by ianmaychell | Leave a comment

This week’s hall of famers were Ian and Paul T carrying out the commitment to get out on our bikes more this year.

This week’s hall of shame; well where do we begin? A place at the top of the table of bottlers goes to Sicknote (Andrew) who managed to convince us he was coming along for the ride right up until an hour before we were to get picked up then called in with non specific gastrointestinal issues (the Barrys). We reckon Sandra had offered him “extras” if he stayed in and did the ironing.

Second place goes to Paul M who once again has refused to get on a plane from Singapore and join his buddies on the ride. I note with interest though that he can bugger off to Indonesia for the weekend!

In third place was Bob who came in with the double barrelled excuse (speak to Andrew Bob, you need to use your excuses sparingly – one per cop out) of man flu and painting Auntie Anne’s back parlour. That’s not a euphemism for anything dirty, he really was painting at Auntie Anne’s house.

Fourth place in the league of bottlers goes to Mike with the almost reasonable excuse of having tickets for the rugby international. Bit gay though isn’t it, watching all those burly chaps wrestling one another to the ground.

This wasn’t the weather we’d ordered.

The ride this week was a little less adventurous than last week’s trip to Richmond, being our usual route around Hamsterley. As we were leaving Darlington, commenting on what a big Jessie Andrew was for bailing out again, it started to snow and proceeded to get heavier as we got closer to Hamsterley. By the time we arrived the snow was laying and people were huddling in their cars for shelter. Not us guys though; we were made of sterner stuff (and Caroline had said if I wasn’t home by 12 I wasn’t getting any dinner) and headed straight off out onto the trail.

We did our usual route – the two big climbs either side of Forest Drive and the red and black runs down from there. The whole ride was pretty drama free and there were no comedy falls to write home about – I nearly went over the bars when I forgot to unlock my suspension before going down the black run with the bomb hole – and we managed to get all the way round both sections in one and a half hours.

Posted on February 10, 2013 by ianmaychell | Leave a comment

Finally made it out to Richmond after a few weeks of crappy weather. The roll call of riders was a short one, consisting only of me and Bob. Paul M continues to insist that it’s too far to come from Singapore for a ride out, Mike was hanging out with his young ladies, Paul T was suffering a lack of interest attack and Andrew was in an iron lung or something.

The view from Applegarth back to Richmond.

The view from Applegarth back towards Richmond.

We started out from the car park at Round Howe and started up the first climb of the day to Whitcliffe Farm which was about 120m up in 600m. After this the road levelled out a bit and we went through Whitecliffe Wood, the track looks pretty good but this time of year its been cut up soft by the 4 x 4’s going through there. After Whitecliffe Wood you get out onto Applegarth which is a nice smooth run on grass down to the farms.

Once we got past the farms at Applegarth, we got back onto the road which led up to the main road. This was a ballache of a climb but at least it was on road. I arrived at the top of the hill completely knackered to find Bob waiting for me not even breathing hard – Bastard!

A little damp underfoot here.

We rode along the main road for a while before turning off into Beacon Plantation or, as we like to call it, the frigging swamp. If it was warmer you’d expect to find alligators in there.

It was all downhill through the swamp but that didn’t really help much because the mud was so deep we ended up pushing the bikes downhill most of the time. This will probably be a blast in the summer when the ground is dry and solid but this time of year its a bit of a trudge.

Look, no hands.

You didn’t have to worry about dropping your bike in here, you just got off it and it stayed where it was.

Bob’s hill

It was as we got to the bottom of the swamp that Bob had an attack of falloffitis. I’m afraid I didn’t get any action shots as I was laughing too hard to get the camera out. I’ll try and give you a mental picture of what happened; At point A on the picture below, I was around the corner so only heard Bob shout “Yeeeoohhhhhhgg!”. “Oh dear” I thought to myself, “what could possibly have transpired there” Bob later told me he’d found one of the softer rocks to land on. At point B, I arrived on the scene to see Bob, after his second trip over the bars, rolling down the hill with the bike following him. “Are you OK Bob?” I called through the tears as he quickly jumped back into the saddle and set off for point C. “Yes, fine thanks” he called and then proceeded to fly over the handlebars for the third time. Oh my sides!

The road out of Gilling Wood

After the bottom of Bob’s hill it was a climb through swampy forest and swampy fields until we reached Black Plantation. After Black Plantation, we went through Gilling Wood which is a blast! Its nice and fast, wide and downhill. I’d forgotten to put my glasses on at the start so it was even more exciting not being able to see where I was going.

Out of Gilling wood there is a good downhill path across fields. I managed to get one wheel in each of two tyre tracks and come down the hill sideways on like a speedway rider. After this it was a bit of up and down before getting back onto the road at Washton.

We took the road through Washton and Kirby Hill. We’d planned to climb across the fields to Swallow Hole but were so sick of pushing the bikes through swamps we decided to take the road; what a good decision. The road up to Swallow Hole – how do they think these names up? – was a complete ballache, one of those roads where you think you’re about to reach the crest of the hill only to find there’s another bloody great hill just beyond this one, so the off road option would have been awful.

The army firing range

The view from Swallow Hole.

From Swallow Hole we went downhill to the main road then turned onto Green Lane, past Green Lane Farm and on through the fields back to Beacon Plantation (home of the swamp). After reaching the plantation, there was a bit of downhill singletrack to a gate with a sign that always fills me with joy “Beware of the bull!” oh lovely!

Just what you want to see when you’re knackered.

This was when I started thinking that my bright orange cycling jacket wasn’t such a good idea or wishing Andrew was with us as I reckon I could outrun him. All the way through the field I was looking at that wall on the left and wondering if I could clear it in one bound; think it would have been no problem if Bully had turned up!

Anyway we made it through the Bull’s field without seeing him and enjoyed a smooth ride down to High Gingerfield before crossing more bull’s fields – no-one at home though – until we reached High Moor. From High Moor to Whitcliffe Farm is steep downhill, but the ground was so boggy that we were having to pedal hard just to move forward.

From Whitcliffe Farm its fast downhill on farm tracks for about 600m to the car park. In all it took us about three hours to get around the route. I reckon you could do it in two hours in the summer when you didn’t need to carry your bike across the swamps.

Cheers – Ian

Fatboy not so slim

Posted on February 4, 2013 by ianmaychell | Leave a comment

Ride 1 – Richmond North Sunday 20th January

Posted on January 8, 2013 by ianmaychell

Update – 13-1-13 We’re going to do the ride a day earlier now – Saturday 19th Jan. Still aim to arrive in Richmond at 9:00 to finish before lunch. I’ve added the elevation data for the ride below the route map.

This is the first ride proposed for this year; it is a 20km loop to the north of Richmond. It starts at the south-west side of Richmond and goes across farmland and through woodland as far north as Gilling West (almost) before returning via an army shooting range (helmets mandatory, flak jackets optional) to the start point in Richmond. Most of the climbing is on roads or firetracks and most of the downhill on bridleways or singletrack. It should be an easy warm up for riding in the dales even if it is not strictly part of the dales national park. Use the “leave a comment” section at the bottom to let me know if you are coming or alternatively put in your lame excuse for not making it like “I’ve got to go to work”, “My wife’s got me doing the decorating” (although Paul that bedroom ceiling could do with a coat of paint), or “I’m on the other side of the world” Pah!

The ride starts at a public car park next to a caravan site on the Reeth road. We take the farm track (Green Lane) until we come to a T-junction where we turn left and head through Whitecliffe Wood then back out onto Applegarth.
At High Applegarth we follow the farm track up the hill until we reach the main road at Deepdale Tree. We turn right at the main road, ride past two pylons on the left before turning through a gate into Richmond out moor (a wooded area). We ride through Richmond out moor and take the eastern path at the crossroads upon exiting.
We then follow the path out past the northern edge of Black Plantation before turning left then almost immediately right into and through Gilling Wood. After exiting Gilling Wood we follow the farm track until we come to a left turn after about 500m.
We take the left turn and follow the track past the bottom of Hartforth Wood until it rejoins a tarmac Road at Washton Hag. We ride through the settlements of Washton and Kirby Hill, taking a left turn onto a farm track shortly after exiting Kirby Hill. This track climbs past a couple of farm buidings before coming to a road (inside the army firing range!).
We turn left onto the army road and follow it down to the junction with Sturdy House Lane, fork right onto Sturdy house lane then take the next left onto Green Lane. We follow Green Lane for around 2.5km until it joins Hurgill Road.
At Hurgill Road we turn right then left and follow the tracks back down to the car park. Easy!

Cheers – Ian

Posted in Routes | Tagged richmond, ride, swaledale | 8 Comments

Fat man mountain biking

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Ride 1 – Richmond North Sunday 20th January

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